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Attachment Style Quiz

What Type of Relationship Attachments Do You Form?

You've probably heard that people develop a specific way of relating to others as a result of their early experiences. While this is generally true, there can be dramatic variations between individual experience with relationship instabilities, traumas or disruptions. In order to understand what someone's attachment style is, you have to look at their childhood and see how they formed attachments with their primary caregivers (often the parents).

How do you feel when you attach to someone? Do you get comfortable and start to let your guard down? Or do you hold back, aware that the relationship could end any time? Research in psychology shows that there are some common attachment styles. Do you know what type of relationship attachments you form? Relationships can be difficult, whether you are trying to start a new relationship or trying to maintain the one you have. This quiz will help you find out what type of attachment style you have.

Attachment Styles List

Secure Attachment

Definition

Secure attachment is a type of attachment style, where the person feels that their relationship with the other person is safe and consistent. Secure attachment is the "emotional bond that develops in early childhood between the infant and the primary caregiver." It is the foundation for a healthy and successful childhood, as well as a healthy adulthood. Securely attached people tend to be more independent and confident in social situations, while insecurely attached people are more fearful of new situations and tend to rely on other people for their needs.

Pros

  • A strong sense of self, including confidence in their own abilities and a sense of agency. They are less likely to suffer from low self-esteem or negative self-talk.
  • They're also less likely to be clingy or act out in unhealthy ways when faced with stress.
  • Higher levels of empathy for others, which leads them to be more compassionate and kind.
  • They're comfortable with being close to people and love to give and receive affection.
  • More stable relationships with romantic partners, friends, family members, and co-workers.
  • They're more involved with their relationships and tend to see them as sources of comfort rather than stressors or threats.
  • They can depend on their partner when they need them.

Cons

  • Their relationships can become too dependent on one person or one way of doing things, which can make it hard for them to change or shift when necessary.
  • They may have trouble being intimate if they feel they are not getting enough validation from their partner.
  • The main disadvantage of having this attachment style is that it makes it difficult for them to change their mind about someone or something they once loved if they are no longer what they want them to be or do not meet their expectations.

Tips

If this sounds like you, here are some tips for how to keep your relationships healthy:

  • Make sure your partner knows how much they mean to you. Tell them!
  • Be open about what's going on in your life. You can't expect other people to understand your needs if they don't know what they are.
  • Don't take criticism personally—it doesn't mean anything about them, it just means something about the situation at hand. Stay calm and address the problem calmly too!

Avoidant Attachment

Definition

Avoidant attachment is a style of relating to others in which one attempts to avoid closeness and intimacy with others. People with this attachment style tend to be uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy, especially when it involves trusting someone else or allowing themselves to become vulnerable. They may fear that if they get too close, they will be hurt by others. This style is characterized by the person's unwillingness to allow others to get too close.

Pros

  • People who have an avoidant attachment style tend to be independent and self-sufficient, which can be good for them because it gives them a sense of control over their lives.
  • They are also more likely than other people to seek out new experiences, which can make them more open-minded and flexible.

Cons

  • People who have an avoidant attachment style often find themselves feeling lonely and isolated because they do not feel comfortable relying on other people for support or help.
  • They may also struggle with feeling strong emotions like sadness or anger, since they don't want anyone else to see these negative feelings in them.
  • People who are avoidantly attached often have low self-esteem, and they may be afraid of rejection. They may also find it difficult to trust others, and they may worry that they will be rejected if they express their feelings and desires.
  • Avoidant attachment can lead to relationships that lack emotional intimacy or closeness. It can also lead to problems with trust in relationships, as well as difficulties with communication.

Tips

If you're dealing with an avoidant attachment style, it can be hard to find the right advice for how to deal with your relationship. But here are some tips that might help:

  • Be patient with yourself and your partner—they may not be ready for commitment yet.
  • Understand that it's normal to feel jealous or anxious when you get close to someone, but try not to take it personally if they withdraw from you
  • Try not to focus on getting them to change their behavior—it's more important for you to work on yourself first.

Resistant Attachment

Definition

Resistant attachment is a pattern of relationship formation in which the individual withholds aspects of themselves from others, while still feeling insecure and anxious. This is the most common attachment style in adults, but it can also be found among children and adolescents.

People with resistant attachment style are often very independent and have a hard time asking for help or admitting when they need it. They may feel like they are constantly on their own and that no one understands them. They can be very sensitive to criticism, although they may not realize this about themselves. Resistant people tend to have difficulty with intimacy and commitment because they don't allow themselves to fully trust or depend on others.

There are many reasons why someone might have a resistant attachment style: maybe they grew up in an abusive household where they had no choice but to become independent at a young age; maybe they were neglected as children; or maybe they just weren't lucky enough to have parents who were able to provide emotional support when they were growing up.

People with a resistant attachment style tend to keep their distance from others, but they do not do so in a hostile way. They can be friendly and even warm, but they keep their feelings hidden because they fear that if they let someone get too close they could get hurt. Resistant attachers may also have trouble expressing their feelings, especially when they are negative in nature.

Pros

  • The pros of this style are that it can allow them to be more self-sufficient, as they’re not relying on anyone else for their happiness or well-being.
  • Being independent adults who are able to assert themselves in relationships.
  • They tend to be more resilient than those who have other styles of attachment, and they're able to bounce back from disappointment more easily.
  • Easier for people with this type to attach when they find someone who truly cares about them.

Cons

  • Their partners may find them hard to get close to because they have trouble opening up and trusting others—even though they don't mean any harm by it.
  • They may have trouble opening up emotionally or trusting others.
  • Struggle with intimacy, which can make it difficult for them to maintain healthy relationships with friends and family members alike.
  • It makes it more difficult for the person to maintain friendships over time because they don't develop strong bonds with others easily; these relationships tend to fade away as time goes by unless there are other factors involved (such as proximity) which keep them going strong over time.

Tips

When you're dealing with a resistant attachment, it can be hard to know where to start. Here are some tips for you:

  • First, try not to take it personally. Even though it might seem like they're intentionally trying to hurt you, they probably aren't. They just have a different way of showing their feelings than you do—and that's okay!
  • Second, don't get angry when the person you love doesn't respond to your attempts at kindness. They might not even realize that they're being mean or hurtful; they just haven't learned how to express themselves in a way that works for everyone in their life yet.
  • Third, let them know what makes them happy and what makes them sad (even if it seems obvious). When someone is resistant, they may not even realize that there are things in their lives that need work—so if you tell them what makes your relationship work well, maybe they'll realize something needs fixing!

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

Definition

Fearful-avoidant attachment is a pattern of relating to others that involves a deep fear of rejection and a tendency to avoid closeness. These people are afraid of getting too close to others because they believe that their needs will not be met, so they avoid intimacy. They also tend to be emotionally numb and shut down.

It's characterized by a desire to maintain distance from others, as well as a tendency to avoid intimacy with others. People with this type of attachment style tend to experience anxiety when they feel like someone is getting too close or emotionally involved in their lives, and will avoid closeness or intimacy with their partner when it becomes too much for them to handle.

Pros

  • People with this attachment style are often very independent, and can be good at taking care of themselves. They tend to be very self-sufficient and not need much help from others.
  • They're less likely to get hurt by a partner who's emotionally unavailable.
  • They can deal with rejection better than those with other attachment styles because they already expect it from the start.
  • They're not afraid to speak up when something isn't working for them.
  • This style makes them excellent problem solvers who are self-reliant, confident, and independent.

Cons

  • Hard for them to get close in the first place.
  • They tend to make poor relationships because they don't know how to trust anyone.
  • They may feel like they're not worthy of love, or that they can't trust anyone enough to let them in.
  • The lack of emotional closeness leaves these individuals feeling lonely at times.
  • They act distant and uncommitted, which can lead them to be seen as unreliable partners or friends.

Tips

You can learn new ways to communicate with others and be more responsive to their needs. Here are some tips for doing so;

  • The first step in overcoming this attachment style is to acknowledge the way it's affecting your life. You can't change anything if you don't see where the problem is coming from.
  • Next, start working on strengthening your relationships with others by being more open about your feelings and needs. Remember that there are many ways to communicate with others, so try out different approaches until you find one that feels natural for you.
  • Also consider talking to someone about what scares you. If there's something in particular that triggers fears in your relationship, talk through it with someone who cares about your feelings and wants to help make the relationship better.
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